I go straight to the point. Women in general just loves to complain. And wives loves to complain or in our current term ‘bitch’ about their own husbands to others.
I myself have not been spared. Not the bitching. But definitely the cynic in me.
We as wives often want our husbands to help around in the home. Be it house chores, or even the slightest thing like buying that 1 thing from the supermarket. And then with the new addition of our little children at home, the husband will be tasked with even more To-Do-List from the wife.
See, the difference between a woman’s To-Do-List is a list which the woman wants to do or perceived as her responsibility to do. And the husband will have a What-My-Wife-Wants-Me-To-Do-List.
So! You tasked your husband to do something and what your husband might not know, is the fact that you have a preferred way of how that task could or should have been done ✅ or even the importance of getting the task completed with 100% accuracy.
Needless to say, we know that we all end ourselves up with some form of frustrations. You think your husband is too tardy and doesn’t care enough while your husband literally thinks you are a crazy bitch.
God creates women to be great helpers. Honestly without the tender loving care of a mom, your kids might grow up loveless. The woman, created with such dedication to details is in fact an important role in the family whilst the man are more macro-centered.
Given an example. A husband and wife needs to travel from point A to point B taking the train. For some reason they reached Point B using the public Bus transport. The man feels that the important thing is that they have reached Point B; the wife might actually feel unhappy and sulky about the fact that they did not manage to take the train despite the fact that they did reached the destination.
How many of us told our husbands to buy that something from the grocery store? And he came back with either a missing item or the wrong item. Or persae not exactly wrong, just not the point accurate item.
And our Cynical Monster will erupt within us. We would often throw words or statements to our husbands that are demeaning and hurtful. Like “I knew you wouldn’t have gotten it right!!!” Or “Why can’t you even do it right just one time?!?!”
I feel that balance is the key to a healthy husband and wife relationship. It is important to recognize that our men are mostly focused on the big picture. They achieve to want to get a end result. Brand A Ketchup vs a Brand B Ketchup is essentially the same. Being macro-centered is a strength and it could sometimes form as a hurdle facing a highly strung over details person.
When wives become too cynical over the husbands, it makes the man retreat. Because those words from someone they love basically meant that they can’t do those task well. So if you have always been putting in some criticism or indirect comments or sarcasm, you may noticed that your husband rather not help than to help and be ‘judged’.
We need to be gentler to the man-kind. Literally. The ego of the man in the house cannot be crushed. We need to remember that we are all not perfect. To be fair, they were not born to be good in buying ketchups or your sanitary pads.
What I did to stop the cynic in me was 3 things.
1. I learn to differentiate between the Important Matters vs the Not-Important-Actually Matters.
So what are the Important Matters? Anything which compromises our marriage or our safety or that which that is crucial to deadlines.
The Not-Important-Actually matters are like forgetting to buy something or buying the right but wrong item. Cleaning the house not 100% but just 80%. Kept the laundry but folded them ugly.
After you being a mother, you must learn to choose your battles. You should not feel angry over every little thing. To be able to do that, you need to remember that we really do not have to be so angry or upset over the 20% inaccuracy or undone. The importance of a Home is not the well-pressed laundry which makes it, it is made up of a felt respected husband and a feel loved wife and hopefully less irritating kids. Haha! You get my point.
2.If the matter is of importance to me. Like I know that if my husband doesn’t get it right, it will totally make me blow, or I kind of know that he might actually get it wrong, I will look at him and get him to repeat after me.
Me: Can you help me get the blue pen?
Me: What color of pen are you getting for me?
Me: Remember ok? If you get the red pen I will be very sad. Please remember it is the blue pen.
Hubby: Ya I got it! It is the blue pen. (with great annoyance)
Haha… But you get what I mean.
3.Be thankful. After my son appeared in my life, I learn to be extra careful and extra thankful. Extra careful to not be critical in my speech in my craziness of motherhood. I learn to be extra thankful that at the very least someone is going through this with me and this person at least gets 80% done.
Do you often feel that your hubby is not helping? Could it be that he feels that he cannot do your task according to your expectations? And he rather not do?
Anyhoo, I will leave you to think about it. If you happen to be a man and reading this post, and you are a daddy or husband, I leave you a golden nugget. USE YOUR BRAINS. See? I am a natural cynic. In another words, - THINK.