Woman women women women...
A figure of great details, care and everything. We creatures are really quite something ain’t we?
We work, we cook, we wash, we clean. We take care of our babies, we need to handle our in-laws, we give answers to everything whether we know the answers or not to our husband, our children.
I think women a really some big-headed people. Or at least I am. I have no idea how I can squeeze so many things-to-do and remember in my brains. And still remember my way home.
And sometimes, such capabilities and attention to great details are the very thing which ruins a marriage quietly, and slowly.
Our husbands are the quiet ones. They are actually not THAT quiet. The wives just have more word count to clock.
We share our feelings, our ambitions, what irritates us, what we expect and don’t expect and the list just never ends.
Our husbands quietly absorbs all these; not forgetting which, that they also can ‘self-tune-out’ after 10min into conversation. It is amazing I feel.
Out of all these, we also wishes the husbands’ empathy, and expect them to do the things we want them to do.
I noticed that man really are very simple. They look at algebra or calculus like as a 1+1. They don’t overthink and of cuz, sometimes they under-think.
They start to rely on their wives by asking stupid questions and they have problem following a 10 step instruction.
And these often sparkle the little annoying conversations to quarrels and displeasure.
And I hate such conversations.
Sometimes really as a wife or even a mom, we are mostly correct. Research plus intuitiveness of a woman is informidable. But we often forget that EQ is necessary in a marriage.
Learning to speak to our husbands kindly and gently is important.
I myself is a culprit of impatience. And the feeling of always knowing that I am right and that he is wrong, can bring a lot of tension at home.
We need to look into the root of the problem. And the answer is; - we are different.
Man and woman are Mars and Venus. You mix both together and make them one whole new product altogether. It is like trying to dissolve powder in water. It turns yucky and gluey. Don’t treat your hubby like yourself. Don’t be crazy.
Marriage and parenting; requires partnership. And partnership requires us to look at each other and accept that each of us are unique in our own ways and have our own qualities. There is no point having 2 washers at home. You need one to cook, and one to wash. That’s better isn’t it?
Learn to identify your husband’s strengths. - Qualities applied and placed in good use. What could it be?
My husband is great at remembering datelines and etc.. so he does the money at home. He pays the bills. I am better at changing my son, my hubby can change my son except that it take 30mins. So I change my son, my hubby throw the clothes into the washer.
What is your husband strong at? What are those qualities, let him use them.
Don’t be judgemental. The problem in a house starts with the husband willing to help but got berated for not doing the task well enough. Sometimes we really ought to remove these ‘eyes of perfection’ and learn to live life.
If your hubby is helping, manage your expectations. It won’t be the way you would managed it but come’on, cut him some slack. They are like little boys. If your big boy at home notices and feels that they are berated for helping or judged on the tasks they did, they will stop helping/ doing immediately. And I think this is a normal reaction.
If you ask your husband to buy 10 things from the supermarket, be prepared that he will get at least 1 item wrong or forget 2 items home.
One time, my husband out of goodwill helped me prepped my Maggie Mee. But he did not look at the packaging enough and thought it was suppose to be noodle soup, poured all the hot water and seasoning and made my supposed dried Maggie to the soup one. I was so so so furious, I scolded him like hell just burnt our house. I think back and I felt really bad that I missed the point of being appreciative and over-reacted over Maggie Mee. But I blamed it on hunger. Haha..
Be kind in your words. But accept that your hubby won’t feel comfortable that you correct him.
Man are egoistic animals. They cannot accept their mistakes ON THE SPOT. They hardly apologize unless the mistake is BIG AND OBVIOUS. Let live. Apologizing is important. But sometimes loving is also not intentionally making someone embarrassed. The man needs to repent but they also needs to be given space to save their dignity.
I am very strong in my words and I am still learning to be kinder. Because I know deep inside, I don’t want to hurt my husband’s feelings so bad that it is tough for him to recover. Remember, they are BIG BUT BOYS. They can be hurt too but not articulated.
You may feel frustrated that your husband don’t admit his mistakes infront of you, but watch the actions. Wait for the rectified work.
Sometimes, they don’t say sorry but they do do the sorry. Accept it nonetheless.
Marriage is one of D most complicated relationship on earth. While you wished you can have a happy ending everyday, everyday is just but a new beginning. It takes a lot of forebearance, kindness and gentleness for both to make a marriage great. And a great marriage is not without the constant nagging of a wife and the blunders of the husband.
Have you been displeased with your hubby over all the what’s-not? Wishing he was more romantic? More tidy? More more more more?
Make a commitment this week after reading this, take a deep breathe, dig your face into your pillow, scream into it. Then look at your hubby afresh! Haha! Remember! Choose to look at his strengths, his qualities!
I was inspired to write this to share with all of you because I have been having my own rough patches with my husband. With all the changes in my son’s life from nanny to infant care, to having a new helper, to assuming a new work appointment, it brings much pressure to me as a mom. And sometimes I allow my stress to overwhelm me and I just push my expectations on my husband.
After much ponder, I know deep down really that my husband wants to support me. I am referring to morally not financially. Haha... but sometimes, it him just being him. Not so detailed, ask too many funny questions, careless.. etc..
I decided to take a better look at our situations and learn to be less highly strung, I make a point to kiss him more often, hug often, be more appreciative and then I realised that the partnership can rework itself again.
I hope this encourages you.
Remember, a good marriage is a great model for our children’s future!