Are you that lonely parent who feels that you are parenting your children alone?
Motherhood can be a stressful deal for most of us. We know it because we know that we have many things to juggle and handle. For most, whether you are staying home or full-time working mommy, you know that you will need to cater to your number 1 priority. Your kids. Oh wait a minute! It is not our husbands anymore? So where are the hubs?
From having that little to very big bump, and then to giving birth, motherhood is everything about giving. It is distressing to have to do chores, to thinking about the food your babies should or should eat. There are mothers feeling stressful over the most minute things and loses their sleep.
Constantly searching over google the different types of different issues or searching for the best teat in town, best organic diapers.
And home is where the tantrums are, the little one's needs and crying and clingy-ness.
But all in all, an overly tired mom will still feel great satisfaction watching their baby sleep. And even if it is for 5 min of peace, they could make themselves believe that their babies were angels sent from heaven again. Oooh... But do we feel the same for our husbands? Or we are more repelling to the loud snores?
It can be stressful really having to deal everything by yourself.
Parenthood is partnership. It was supposed to be made as cooperative work with someone. Hence, if you are a single parent. It sucks from time to time because it is a lonely and long journey sometimes. At the least, thats what the emotions are periodically. And hence, I salute those who single-handedly bring their child/children up.
Ironically, there are many of us out there, still married yet feel lonely in the journey of our own parenthood.
To begin with, married couples do have their fair share of disagreements. Yup... spoiler alert! You did not marry yourself. So ... yes to disagreements. And when a LO comes along, it does 2 things.
1. It magnifies your current disagreements or weakness of the married life
2. It gives you both new things to be irritated about with each other. Yup... spoiler number 2.
The typical unhappiness in parenting together, is the inability to see parenting eye to eye. This is the case of 2 totally different people wanting to walk in the same directions! My! Extreme difficulty!
My husband is always offended by the mess my son creates. The mess like, if he eats yogurt, he has it on his face and hands, or the kind of mess he creates whenever he play kinetic sand at home. The vibe changes the minute I pick out the colorful sand, and his face cringes and he is on full alert that his beautiful floor is gonna get some dirt on. While all these *sh*t* is going in his brains, I will be the *fa-la-la*.
You dont know what is *fa-la-la*? It just meant "take it easy." He is a little toddler, he needs to explore and have some fun! Of cuz my tod wont be systematic with his play... he is only 18months old. He is full of curiosity and creativity on how these sand should be played. And thats all that I think in my mind.
The struggle of different vibes coming from my husband and I, hovers greatly around my son's playtime. And it will usually end badly. I would accuse him of being inflexible and having unrealistic expectations of systematic play on his son, he will be justifying how the actions of my son pisses him off. And those actions include, flicking sand all over or pouring sand out. Well....
Such incidences only left me angry and totally upset in my heart. Feeling unjustified for my little boy and sad that he will always need to be reprimanded by his father because he did not know how to play 'properly'.
Such moments gives me great burdens in my heart. It makes me feel unsupported in my desire of how I want our children to grow. I definitely felt that my hubby was so not helping. It makes my parenting not easier... really.
I believe strongly in the partnership if you have. Because the husband and wife have to agree as a unique couple and that the couple then can parent as a powerful couple. Our children cannot constantly feel that dad and mom do not agree. Because their smart little brains will know how to manipulate the adults to get their ways. And soon, they will think that they can get away with anything.
In order to solve this problem with the kinetic sand, one of the solutions was to bring him to the beach. While we hold 'sand playing' at home. And we reserve those 'difficult to clean up' items for when he is slightly older with better motor skills?
My point is, we have to take a step back. A woman's problem is always that they know. They seemed to have it together while the man's life seemed to be in bits and pieces. And the more a woman thinks she knows, the more she overrides her spouse too. And that also meant the lack of respect.
How can we make crazy journey in motherhood better? How can we be more align as couples? So that our children can grow up happy under the care of their happily-married parents?
Whats the answer to an aligned relationship? How do we achieve successful joint partnership. That motherhood is not just about us?
Top 2 Ways You Can Have Successful Partnership!
How can couples work around better?
1. Use the 30 in 30 rule!
Set aside time at the end of the day with your spouse to do this.
Prepare a box of cards and pens.
Spend 30 secs writing down what you both are unhappy or things which you both want to share with each other about. "Trash Talk"
Spend 30 min discussing them. Discuss and address the items one by one. Be focus on what has been written and do not beat around the bush. So cap the time. It is only for 30 min altogether.
Eg; I was pissed you did not wash the dishes.
Discussion will be: I was pissed with you for not helping wash the dishes...
Conclusion should be... I will help wash 3 times a week or whenever I see you are busy with the kid. And viola! Shred it, and move on to the next point.
After 30 mins, make a commitment to keep the time and shred away with your own hands all that you have written and decides to move on from there as a couple. End off with hugs and kisses!
You may find it difficult but stay focus! And move on! And apply the conclusions with immediate effects!
2. Written House Rules!
Written House Rules are great way to remind the children their disciplines and behaviours, it is also a great way to remind us as parents what we have both agreed upon. Take out time to sit together using the same technique from point 1 to come out with some basic house rules for the children! So that the next time one of the hits the ' naughty jackpot', both of you will remember to not refute each other on whether discipline should or should not take place!
So scrap that stupid and cheesy 'House Rules' commercial boards which you both 80bucks for! (Which I bought 4 years back.. ) Write your own and frame it up! A super large size is great!
Our children do need powerful parenting to bring them guidance, protection and discipline! So lets get some real partnership going on!
Will you try the 30-30 technique? Write to me and tell me if it works!!!!