Oh well... who doesnt know? The very day I brought my son home after delivery, I have been On Standby Duty. It is really a challenge? I think the word challenge is a mere understatement to describe the physical, mental and emotional duties of a mom. Esp; FTM (First Time Moms)
Looking back now, it still brings me the shudders and in fact, a little nauseousness thinking back to those days when I just cried so badly because of... the feeling of 'I-Dont-Know'???
Because, every 2hours of my 24hours was to feed. And in the 2 hours, I have to make him sleep after the feed, and after he sleeps, I will have to express the excess breastmilk. By then, the remaining 1 hour or less...I still need to do other chores... did I even have time to shower? Honestly, first few days of motherhood? Or was it weeks? I totally could missed brushing up, shower or to do anything else at all. Whats more to say to do anything related to my relationship with my husband?
It adds on... when all the topics which comes out of your mouth is about your baby...
ALL OF THE ABOVE? Totally understandable.
However, at some point, we need to take some time, to breathe, to remember that we are not just moms, but we still have our individual identity, and still a wife. And a good one.
It is very easy to forget to invest in our marriage. It is in fact inconvenient to say or do the sweet things esp when you cant even remember to brush your teeth. Familiar?
Bear in mind that a Wife cannot be like a mom to the husband. In other words, our husband still needs the presence and the role of HIS wife to be functioning. So, what could this means?
Think about it. What do you used to do for or with your husband? Say a list of 10 items, how many do you still upkeep now with the new addition in the home?
I used to cook really often for my big guy. But I hardly do so now. Because by the time I am home with my child, I do feel exhausted and at the same time, I do want to spend some quality time with my child because he would have been with the nanny the last few hours. So to cook for my husband was a priority I dropped. Takeouts? A lot...
So, how did I try not to neglect my hubby? As much as we could, we still maintained some basic interaction and activity. Breakfast and dinner together. Even if breakfast is possible for only 10-15min, there's still time enough to learn about each other's day and some happenings at work. I will also make it a point to remember to show some concern to his day or happenings.
We will never eat dinner without each other. As long as one of us is trying to make the baby sleep, we will wait for the other. The latest timing we ever had our dinner was like 10pm plus... just to sit down side by side to at least eat together. Too tired to talk? We would watch a episode of whatever series just like pre-baby days. The only difference? We only can watch max 1 episode before the little dinosaur wakes again....
Sexual Intimacy, this is what I believe is a important... activity? Between a couple. Whether you did C-sec or natural birth, you will need some time off from sexual intimacy for the body to recover. But it is important to prepare to feel ready again to connect with your husband.
I know of many couples who forgo the intimate activity because they are just too tired. Or especially the wives really need the 'mood' and the etc etc...
Sex needs to be scheduled. It is true. You may think that it is putting something romantic into rigidness. I beg to differ. I like planning for it. It ensures that my husband's needs is being fulfilled. And I strongly advocate this. Most 'understanding' husbands will not complain outrightly to the messy hair mommy trying to put the baby to sleep which happens to be their wives...haha... but they do feel neglect if every second starts to revolve around the little one and that they get rejected for a 10? 15? 20min feat? Haha...
My point is, there are many mommies out there, who have forgotten their role as a wife. Just like I cannot be like a wife to my son, I cannot be like mommy to my husband. My husband still needs his wife. The woman whom he dated, then got married. The woman who will still bother about her physical cleanliness...I mean appearance... The woman whom will say the sweetest things or do the little thoughtful shits... What would you do today? To remind yourself and your husband, that you are still his wife?
Keep your marriage strong.
Because a strong marriage is one of the most important demonstration our children needs to have in a family.