If you have read my post release on "The Truth Of What Really Happened To Me When I Was 22 Years Old"
You must be wondering what am I sharing all these now. Is my motives to put my family down? To justify if their actions were right or wrong? Or perhaps just to justify for myself?
IT IS NEITHER OF THE ABOVE.
As a reader you don't need to speculate. Because I myself as the main person in this long family feud, I never felt I knew the full story.
It only gets clearer after awhile but everyone have their own reasons. My family aren't bad people. I remember my sister to be a generous sister. My dad was a great deal in my life too.
People perceived whatever they deemed fit and decided. It is human. It is complicated Whether the decisions were appropriate or not, it all did compelled and inspired one event to another.
We all make our choices and choices make us. This is how it is.
Having a very interesting past, has helped me gained much perspectives. They were all unpleasant events. Because gradually, I was just literally a nobody in the eyes of my family and relatives. I was highly disregarded and I know many talked behind my back.
This is the life of an outcast. It is my life.
As a mother of 2 boys, I cherish my life and time with them. It is a pity perhaps they wont have a strong extended family. I actually often feel bad and depressed about it. But the basic I ought to do for my children is to make sure that they never have to be affected in any way by what I have gone through for years.
Our upbringing and experiences do shape us. It is inevitable. But it is not final. What's final is really one's attitude to all the things which happened to them.
And my past has effected the way I believe how I should bring up my children. And the grace I believe everyone needs. The empathy that people around us needs.
I never really thought about the idea of if I would really become a mom. Or how many children will I actually have. But I know, I think a lot about the kind of mom I want to be. And the kind of mom I want to be, has such a strong relation to the person I am and want to be. It is parallel.
Everyday I am a work in progress. And my children are gracious beings God has given to me and my hubby.
Many times depressingly, I felt like my children missed out because they are not adored the way I wish they would be by my family members. The thought of that breaks my heart a million times, but I feel that giving them a safe environment is more important.
If you are someone who has done some wrongs before, and you are a parent, it is not too late to start over. The attitude of wanting to be a good parent is very compelling. The idea of being an exemplary and a role model to our child is powerful.
One of my guest; Shannon Lee said something which encouraged me a great deal. She said, "God did not called the equipped but God equipped the called."(Go listen to the podcast episode ok! Go follow me on my IG and get updates on the episode release!)
Whether you are a God believer or not; you are equipped to be a good parent.
Many times, you can be unhappy with your family, or your boss or whatever.. But really, these unhappiness shouldn't fester into resentment. I often hear of many young parents' complaining that they don't get support or the support is not the way they wanted. Never be a person who always feel that everything is never enough. If you don't have a village, then get alternatives.
Focusing on what you don't have is toxic. Look at what you have and focus on them. Soon, you will realized that you have gained much more than what has been taken away from you.
Till then...