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How To NOT Neglect One To Have Another One

After coming back home from the hospital, 1st week was not so bad. The not so bad part was - I got to stay home to recover from my C-sec wound and my only son is still the only son.

My big bub S didnt get to see the new bub L. Our plan did not managed to go as well due to the unexpected incubation for baby L's immature lungs. All the pressies we bought for Baby S awaiting for him to receive at my hospital ward could not happen.

For a little 21month toddler like baby S, it is difficult for him to fully grasp hold of this idea of the 'Di Di' aka Little Brother you verbally refer to. We also did not have appropriate photos to show him because baby L was covered with tubes and stuff. And neither did we want to show the bloody, dirty R21 photos of his little brother. Nor his parents suddenly taking pictures with another little baby whom he cannot recognise nor relate to.

Deep in my heart, knowing that baby L will be coming home in a matter of days, I felt heavy hearted and burdened. Even though my new addition havent come back home to occupy my time and breasts, I knew I had to think of a way to properly introduce and ease my precious Tod S into accepting basic things like; seeing his parents carrying another baby, attending to the baby or even breastfeeding the baby.

The idea of having siblings is often great and that is the reason why despite the fact that many Singaporeans know that they have heavy work commitment and financial commitment, they are still willing to go for one more. Yet, it is unfortunate that in wanting to add one more for the good of our firstborn, we actually end up neglecting our firstborn because the newborn is deemed more vulnerable.

The thought of me neglecting my precious little toddler who still loves peek-a-boo (tells me he is just an over-sized little big baby) made me cried buckets. I am determined really to do my very best NOT to neglect him.

In order to not neglect him, these are some of the things I do. You might find it helpful, you might not find it suitable. But if you are in the same phase as me, perhaps something will add-value to you.

1. I ensure his routine WITH US stays the same. It is not just keeping the big kid's routine, it is about keeping his routine with you. My routine with my boy is giving him milk in the morning, spending some time with him watching his Elmo while I prepped for work. Now that I dont have to prep for work due to confinement, I just spend time with him.

I send him to school. I feel that this is optional. If you feel you are up for it to send, then send. Or if you want to keep to your confinement boundaries, then it is fine really to stay home.

During my confinement, I still do some short trips out; sometimes to the doctor's, most times to send or pick my big boy. So keep the routine.

2. I pre-empt my tod about this 'Di Di'. I placed some things few weeks in advance around the house or car to tell him that these belongs to his little bro. On the actual day after baby L's discharged, I shared with him on the way home, there is actually a 'Di Di' at home. And I asked if he want to see. So that was how his first intro went. And the first introduction, no one carries the small baby L. We placed baby L in his little playpen and I carried my big Tod until he was comfortable to explore the playpen.

3. Top Up Additional Words of Love, Affirmations, Kisses and Quality Time and Patience!

I express my love even much more to my little Tod. I do want to tell him so much in a way he could understood that we love him and nothing has changed in our hearts. He is still so precious and in fact even more important to us.

Patience. Your tod might act up as he might not fully eased into this One-More-Baby Reality. So patience patience.


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